Are the grocery store chains conspiring together to ruin my life?

I live in a rather remote suburb of Birmingham. I also appreciate good, fresh food. The combination of these two facts should not, one would think, present THAT much of a problem. Wrong.

When my husband and I married, I moved from the Trussville area (read: seconds from a Publix and a Winn-Dixie...minutes from a Food World and a Target) to Moody (read: Grocery Store Hell). The city of Moody itself boasted only a Food World (meager, but acceptable...also very convenient to home). Nearby Leeds had a Food Giant and a Wal-mart. My grocery store situation has been the bane of my existence for the past 3 and a half years.

Food World was fine. It served my needs. While it sometimes lacked the specific brand name I was looking for or the bizarre, uncommon ingredient for which my recipe called...it was generally okay. It was also less than half a mile from my house. Alas, this relationship could not last. When the Bruno's/Food World conglomerate began to dissolve and store closings were rumored, I remember commenting to my husband, "They can't close ours! There's no way! It will NEVER shut down! It's ALL WE HAVE!"

*sigh*

Food World's closing left me with only two options...Food Giant and Wal-mart. That is to say, those are the only grocery stores within a reasonable driving distance from my house. I would also like it noted that the closing of my Food World corresponded with the closing of the Bruno's next to my office...my only other source of acceptable grocery shopping that didn't require me to veer off my normal course on my drive home from work. Hello, injury...meet insult!

Since the onset of my plight, I've given my two remaining establishments equal opportunity to prove me wrong. Fail. Let's begin with Wal-mart. It's too crowded. The brands are too limited. The meat is awful...and expensive. The people are just weird...did I mention I'm positive that 99% of the "People of Wal-mart" were photographed in my very own Wal-mart?! Its redeeming qualities? Wal-mart is often cheaper on most packaged products. Also their Great Value brand has really stepped up its game here lately.

Now on to Food Giant...oh, my, my, my...where to begin. How about a list of some of this store's more major offenses that I've encountered over the course of several months...?

*no limes...none...zero
*gnats swarming the red onions
*fresh salmon is gray in color?
*no couscous whatsoever
*zucchini sold only in cellophane-wrapped packs of three
*every single half-gallon of skim milk expires tomorrow
*only TWO...count 'em...one, two...different varieties of frozen pizzas
*no fresh snow peas...not even in a bag
*lady fingers?!?!?!...what are THOSE?!

Food Giant's perks? Pretty much all I can say is that I have gotten some decent meat for a reasonable price (excluding the above-mentioned salmon). Each time I patronize this store, I come home with high blood pressure and swearing that I'll never return. Then again, what choice do I have?

We're currently getting ready to put our house on the market. So we've been visiting open houses and scoping out homes online. We're fairly educated buyers. Which means we know the three important characteristics for good real estate: Location, Location, Location (read: Near a Publix, Near a Publix, Near a Publix)! Because honestly that is all I care about on this next go-around. Forget the hideousness of the seafoam green tile in the bathroom, the outdated paisley dining room wallpaper, or even the shag carpet in the half-finished basement...JUST GIVE ME A DECENT GROCERY STORE!!!!

Q: Are the grocery store chains conspiring together to ruin my life?!
A: Yes, in their own unique ways. Food World, by closing. Wal-mart, by constantly attracting hordes of freaks. Food Giant, by consistently managing to suck. Publix, by continuing to elude me...