Tuesday, March 1, 2011


I work in a building that contains over 1,000 people. Some of them are weird. Or at least look weird or act weird. It's inevitable. There are a lot of us. We can't all be normal. So in order to be able to quickly refer to people we don't know, without having to go into a lengthy description of them, my friends and I have developed quite the long list of nicknames to describe them. It's nothing personal. We have nothing against any of these people. In fact, we've never spoken to most of them. They're just amusing characters in our everyday sitcom. I'm sure the following list won't be nearly as humorous when you can't experience the actual visuals, but...use your imagination!

Debbie Downer: She doesn't want to be here. She's tired. She doesn't feel well. She's tired. She wants to go home. She's tired. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Mimi: That's right...

Perpetually Pregnant Girl: This one can be explained by either one of the following explanations. 1.) She's always 16 weeks pregnant. 2.) She is actually, in fact, a 50-year-old man with a beer belly.

Sponge Bob Square Head: Fairly self-explanatory. His head is gigantic in proportion to the rest of his body...and rather square in nature.

Sponge Bob Whale Pants: A derivative of the above. This character has a fuller body, small head. He is also often seen sporting pants dotted with tiny embroidered animals.

Kitty Cat Guy: This one is rather abstract. He's a fairly normal-looking dude, if a bit creepy. But his mannerisms suggest that he lives alone with a house full of cats. And that if you rang his doorbell, he would answer the door...cradling a cat.

Hot Mess: This chick looks as if she crashed at 3 a.m. after a hard night of clubbing, only to awaken at 7:45, just in time to come to work in the clothes she slept in and whatever makeup she was able to apply during her commute (on top of any makeup left over from the night before).

Flock of Seagulls: This one's easy. The chick's hair looks like this...

The Entire Cast of "The Office": Oh, yeah. Michael, Angela, Dwight...they're all present and accounted for. You think those people don't exist in real life, but they do. I work with them.

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